Guest Post: Pride in Colours

This guest post was written by Patience for the March Carnival of Aces.

Before I realized I was ace, I only had a vague idea of what LGBT+ even was. I did know a couple of people who were either lesbian or gay, but we never talked about the nuances of it. One of my best friends is lesbian, but for her the end of it was that she was attracted to girls which doesn’t feel close to my frankly chaotic thoughts on attraction and gender and what have you. I can’t remember my exact thoughts but I’m pretty sure that I knew that the rainbow flag was somehow connected to LGBT. However I felt no strong relation to that flag because, well, I didn’t think i was LGBT in any way.

These days I still don’t think of the rainbow flag as my flag, but I love seeing it around. During the local pride I was happy to see it flying from places that I hadn’t expected to see it. It seems originally to be meant for gay men (and I’m neither which may account for why I don’t feel a personal connection to it) it’s nice to have a sort of shorthand that encompass many different experiences. When I see a rainbow flag I take it to mean that those using it acknowledge experiences that fall outside the norm and when I see it used I feel more welcome in that space. Just the other day I was at a metal concert and one band had a t-shirt with the rainbow flag. In my experience audiences for metal concerts are often big dudes and being small and female-looking myself I don’t always feel that it’s a space for me. But seeing that rainbow merch, I suddenly felt that this concert was also for me (and another band saying “cowboys, cowgirls and cowpersons” helped a lot, too).

Turning more specifically to ace symbols, I love the idea of the ace ring and how it feels to me like a sort of secret message that says “you are not alone”. However, I am not consistently a person that likes wearing rings. I want to get a ring some time, but I know I won’t wear it every day. What I will wear everyday is wristbands, so I’ve taken to making my own. I sometimes lose one and I only finished the latest one recently. I really love wearing them because it feels like the same lowkey way of wearing some ace pride as the ring, but in a way that feels more right for me. And I know that at least one person have recognized me as asexual because I was wearing that wristband. Beside that one person, no one have actually asked me about it, but I like the colours purple, white, grey and black together, so there’s a further perk in that I can choose to come out if someone asks me about it, or I can just say that I like the colours. 

Usually I like the idea that you can wear ace symbols but still fly somewhat under the radar, but sometimes I also wish that there was a way to easily show that you are asexual. I haven’t found a way to casually mention to people who does not know what it means and our symbols are not so well known that just wearing them are enough to “come out”.